"But how could you do that?"

This last week has not been an easy week for me.  Last Monday, I received the call that every Canine Companion for Independence Puppy Raiser does NOT want to receive from the puppy program manager for her region.  The call that informs you that the little bundle of fur that you took into your home, loved, cuddled, walked mile and mile every day, spent endless hours teaching over 40 required basic commands, - "will not be moving on in the advanced training program"!!  You must now make the decision to release the dog that you have loved for the last 18 months to be placed with a new family, (knowing that you will never again see or hear anything more about the dog), or bring the dog home to become your new pet.

 We were told; that from the very beginning of Advance Training, Karlyn was suspicious of her new surroundings.  She got along well with her kennel mate and the other dogs, but she soon became fearful of simple things that she was so used to at home, (i.e.: a water hose, the pooper scooper, etc, etc.)  As her fears rose, so did her energy level, to the point that she started playing "keep away" from the trainers.  When they would take her out to the various establishments, her energy level was too high to control, and they would have to cut the outings short.  This was a dog that went everywhere with Dave and I, (movies, grocery stores, parks, Petco, Lowes, Walmart, gas stations, EVERYWHERE), without a problem.  I told the puppy manager, "This is not the dog I turned in!!  Are you sure you're talking about Karlyn?"  I spoke with my puppy class trainer about Karlyn's behavior, and she was shocked.  She said "this is not the dog we trained, they better check her tattoo and make sure they got the right dog".  No one believed Karlyn had changed so much in only 6 weeks!!  No one could figure out why!  Perhaps she missed her mom, (me), too much to become a service dog, (we have never been apart so long).

SO it was time to decide what was best for Karlyn and our household.  On the one hand - I loved this goofy dog so much,  Turning her in was so much harder than turning Balsa in.  But, I was so sure that Karlyn would be the one to make it all the way through the program, and I would see her again in 6 months at graduation. I knew in my heart that when I turned her leash over to her new "forever companion" at graduation I would have a new friend for the next 10 years who would tell me all the wonderful things that Karlyn was doing to make her life in this world much easier to cope and maneuver around. Then there was the fact that we already have a dog and a cat, (and our cat never did warm up to Karlyn!!).  If we brought Karlyn home, it meant that we would never have the room to raise another CCI puppy, (3 dogs are too many).  And this was what I felt my new calling was, to try to do something in some small way to help those who needed help, (Some Angles have wings, other have Paws).  But, I still felt like I had somehow failed CCI and Karlyn, and the person on the waiting list who would never get Karlyn as a service dog.

I was finally reminded by another puppy raiser "We were never asked to graduate the puppy. We were asked to raise the puppy.  And every Puppy Raiser does that. The graduating part is for the puppy and the organization to decide, so to feel anything less than amazing is hard to accept".  This was like a lighting bolt hitting me!!  I had done my job, and I was SUCCESSFUL!!  I could freely let the puppy be lovingly placed in a home chosen by the CCI puppy program manager, (who would make sure that it was a good home that would welcome and love Karlyn as much as I had).  It was a hard decision to make, and the phone call to tell the puppy program manager was a tearful one.

Several people commented to me "But how could you do that?"  "I would have been the car, bringing her back home, if she was my dog"  Of course these are also the very same words I heard when I turned Karlyn in for advanced training.  People asking "how can you give her back, after 18 months?"

When I became a puppy raiser, it was a very natural decision.  And yes, when I turned each puppy in, it tore a hole in my heart the size of Texas, California, and Utah combined.  As I watched each puppy walk away with the kennel attendant, I felt like the blood was being drained from my body and that I would not be able to move from that spot.  But I was willing to do this, not because of any masochistic tendencies on my part.  BUT, #1) I got to have the thrill of a beautiful fur ball with me where ever I go.   #2)  I got the opportunity to watch peoples faces light up whenever she entered a room, and I saw the joy she brought to people just being around her, (how many people can elicit daily smiles just walking in a room?)  #3) I got to hang around other dog lovers and gain insight into training methods and dog behavior, (this was a wonderful bonus that being a puppy raiser gets).

Yes, giving her up was difficult, but she was never mine!!  I'm just a pit stop on her way to fulfilling the life of someone else, (a surrogate mother if you will, or as someone once called me "a foster parent").  And now I am giving another family a well trained pet, who will make an enormous difference in their life.  Karlyn will provide their family with companionship, unconditional love, cuddle time when they need it, and boundless affection.  Everything that dogs do for us.  And I helped provide this for a family somewhere.  I will always remember Karlyn, and I will always be her "first mama".

Go Karlyn, Enjoy your new life, you have much to offer.

And always remember, I love you!